When work becomes Personal
Are you:
· Doing the right thing?
· What is expected of you?
· Whatever it takes to be successful?
For as long as I can remember getting better was more important than winning. That is to say getting better was more likely to come with a pat on the back and words of encouragement. Winning seemed less important as we moved on to whatever was next in a busy household.
A pat on the back and words of encouragement meant I had been seen, was being seen and was enjoying some quality time with an important human. I am a tactile guy so the physical connection was and remains pretty special too.
Getting better included improving how I did my chores at home, how I learnt at school, achieving badges at Scouts, getting selected in sporting teams and changing and succeeding in different roles at work.
Embracing my responsibility reinforced the benefits of doing the right thing. Better understanding relationships ensured I understood and met others’ expectations of me. Hearing yes more often and receiving more money to do more of what I wanted made being successful a rewarding pursuit.
Injecting others’ values and expectations served me very well until my late twenties. I believed I could do whatever I wanted and have whatever I wanted. There was no problem I could not overcome or redefine. I was popular, receiving accolades in sport and leadership and had even landed an amazing job with an international consulting firm. I got married, bought a house and traveled internationally. Life was good.
Then it wasn’t.
I was hating my job more than I was loving it. I got divorced and sold the house. Then there was this lack of feeling. I wanted and or needed to be a broken human rocking in the fetal position in a dark room, inconsolable after experiencing what I believed was the greatest failure I could imagine. Instead I was OK. I had done what I could, what more can I do. I deserve to be happy so getting divorced was the right thing to do. No one would expect anything more of someone in my position. This is just a temporary bump in the road. I am young and have time.
My life and work got personal, very personal from this point on. I needed and became committed to better understanding myself in a more intentional and conscious way than ever before.
Since that experience I have added personal and professional development to seeking the advice and wisdom of my parents, teachers, coaches and bosses. I have and continue to work with psychologists, counsellors, business and or sales coaches, human behaviouralists and mentors. Sometimes this is in the same room, other times via zoom or phone call and often in books. My most treasured teachers have come from experiments and adventures. Life sure can demand that you know yourself better and grow.
Good money and white picket fences were no longer enough. Helping people move from one unloved job to another unloved job so I could ring a bell, close a sale and make myself and an unknown business owner richer was no longer for me. I had to find a way to love my work as much as my weekends.
The next ten years included working fulltime as a fundraiser for a hospital, then being self employed as a personal trainer, designing and selling solutions to support individuals and families relocating for work, selling and debriefing psychometric assessment and profiling tools to support development and selection then Career coaching. It included three experiences of redundancy and lots and lots of reflection. Each move was to answer another question to learn more about myself and the impact I could have in the world.
I started with work and no less significant was working towards my life plan. I wrote down in considerable detail what I wanted to experience and have in a life I was creating for me, by me.
Work was and had to be complimentary, aligned to and facilitating the life I wanted to live. On any day not just on weekends or holidays. My ideal job had to have enough of what I loved doing and an impact that was important to me. My ideal day needed to be sustainable and possible on any day ending in ‘y’ and lived most days.
As it turns out getting personal about the way I want to work and live has lead to working with over 500 people and thousands of hours of coaching individuals and groups to do their version of the same. Shed what others deem the right thing to do, loosen or let go of others’ expectations of themselves and redefine success in a meaningful way for them.
Done in such a way that I am loving what I am doing and the impact I am having, building financial resources and connecting with the people and activities that are important to me.
If you would like to get personal and define Work with Meaning for yourself your next opportunity to do so in a group is on Jan 20th 2023 or we can get started 1:1 today.
