Are you guided by right and wrong or something more valuable?
How do you make decisions?
How do you know what to prioritize?
By doing the right thing? By being a good human?
Have you ever noticed how what is right and or good is totally subjective and circumstantial?
So your same choice and action is celebrated in one group and chastised in the next. Man, that is confusing. If your actions are right, and or good, it sure is easy to look for those that are wrong and or bad. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to judge someone who is wrong or bad! You might even want to help them be right or good.
What a waste of time.
So what could be an alternative?
Values.
That which you value. Often we place value on what is scarce or was missing during a particularly difficult time in our life. I often hear people say they value family, work and or health. The value we hold most dearly can even shape our identity and those same people might describe themselves as a family guy, by their profession, say an accountant, and or as a fitness junky.
Have you heard the phrase ‘a means to an end’? Family, work and health could be described as Means values. Ie a vehicle that allows them to experience something say connection, contribution and strength. They can be referred to as the Ends value.
When we understand the Ends value we can become more flexible and creative in how we experience and live by our values. There can be more ways than family, work and health to experience connection, contribution and strength.
When it comes time to make decisions and know what to prioritize instead of right, and or good, you could choose that which allows you to experience connection, contribution and or strength. Instead of looking for who is wrong or bad you inherently become more interested in what others’ values might be. A curiosity replaces judgement. Another wonderful benefit of being guided by your values is every decision you make and action you take that is in alignment with your values you value yourself a little more. How cool is that!
So how do you know what your values are?
Your life reveals your values. Take some time and reflect on what you spend your time doing, spend your money on and in your sanctuary what you surround yourself in. I exercise most days, spend money on gym equipment and have a calendar that I write down my training sessions on in my sanctuary. Health and Wellbeing is an important Means value for me. Having a health body allows me to say yes to opportunities so the Ends value is Freedom.
Another option is to choose what you would like to experience more of, I refer to this as Aspirational values. More Joy? Calm? Energy? We are all unique so the best answer is the one that moves you most.
Given we already live by our values your opportunity is to reconnect with and better understand what your values are. To do this I am a huge fan of picking one value and using it as a filter. Any time you intentionally make a decision and take action be guided by your chosen value. Add in a little reflection and journaling and you start to really understand the impact of your values and which ones are truly meaningful for you. You might even experience a tear or two of joy.
Do I stay back late and get home too tired to connect with my partner? Do I take on another responsibility so I don’t have time for enough sleep? Do I catch up with a mate at the pub or go for a walk? Being a good employee, parent and or mate and doing the right thing by others may lead to very different decisions than those lead by honouring health and well-being. Ever felt burnt out or with nothing left in the tank looking after everyone else?
If you want to be your Best Self I encourage you to explore your values. Having a navigation system makes decision making easier and leads to decisions and actions that energize you. Is it time to upgrade your navigation system?
I am a MASSIVE fan of values so reach out if you would like to talk more about what they are and how they are shaping your life.
